Most of my life, I have relied on another person to give me pleasure. Once I started my tantric journey, I learned about self-pleasuring, self-love and beautiful masturbation (ahem, self-pleasuring) practices, that made my body come to life without anyone else’s help.
Over time, and regular self-pleasuring practice, I learned that what I have been looking for elsewhere for so long, I was able to give to myself, anytime, anywhere, and without fantasy or porn.
In early 2017, I got involved with a super conscious man, who was able to meet me exactly where I was at. It was shocking at first since I didn’t even know how to receive that level of presence.
We had a beautiful connection during his holiday in New Zealand, and 6 weeks later, he left the country. I was sad to see him go, as our connection was very conscious and stimulating in every sense of the word.
To my surprise, after this amazing man, another one on the same caliber came along shortly after. After experiencing this “next level” of intimacy and conscious connections with two wonderful human beings, I realized that it would take a lot more to be intimate with another person since I had learned what else is possible in an intimate connection with a partner, and the different levels and layers of pleasure. But this post is not about another person. It is about my experience without sex and intimate connections for four months in 2017.
After returning from overseas and leaving “Mr. Amazing #2” behind, I dedicated my attention and energy to my business offerings (workshops, clients), and spending quality time with friends. I decided that dating wasn’t a priority in my life at that point, and the fact that I was able to give myself so much love and pleasure whenever I wanted was easy to keep the distractions aside (i.e. men)!
In the past, I was always involved with another person, for different reasons, but mainly because I believed that in order to experience pleasure and great orgasms, I needed another person to touch me.
Fortunately, that belief is in the past, and here is what I learned during these four months of self-sourcing.
1. I can (and do) love myself deeply
The self-loving practice is just that… a practice that gets better every day. I can self-love, or self- pleasure. Sometimes I masturbate and focus on orgasms (not recommended). But the important thing here is that I am able to give myself love, nurturing touch, and pleasure. I can choose the place and time, and I don’t have to do anything that I don’t want to do
2. I am enough
I don’t need another person to make me happy or to give me pleasure. I have all the resources inside.
Being with another person is the cherry on top of the cake; just a bonus. If I want to be with another person, it is for the right reasons, and not out of neediness/loneliness/etc.
3. More time to focus on things that matter
Relationships take time and dedication, even if it is just a swipe on Tinder or a casual date. Since I was not seeing anyone, nor had any romantic interest during the four-month period, I was able to focus all my time and energy on other things that matter in my life, such as friendships, business development, reading great books, and attending events
4. I am more than just a good-looking body
Men still approached me and invited me to go out on dates. I learned to speak my truth and expressed that I was not on “dating mode”, as I was focusing on my business and other things. Interestingly enough, men did not lose interest in me. They respected my choice to be celibate and single, and I managed to make a few new friendships this way.
5. I can count on my friends
Whenever I needed support or assistance with practical things, I reached out to friends, who were usually available and happy to give me a hand. Sometimes when I felt down, or needy, all I had to do was to message friends and someone was always available to cheer me up, or even to give me a cuddle.
It was such a joyful experience to learn that different people in my life can give me what I used to expect from partners in the past.
I did not make a conscious decision to become celibate for four months. It just happened… I said I was only going to be intimate with another person only when I felt that my body was ready.
Four months later, the stars aligned! My yoni (Sanskrit word for vulva) spoke to me. It said, “the temple gates are now open”. In other words, my body was open to connecting with another person, and I would know when I met this person.
Shortly after that, I met a very conscious man. My entire being felt safe in his presence. I surrendered to the experience and allowed this man to make love to me. He honored my boundaries and worshiped my body. It was the perfect way to break the celibacy “spell”. We had a beautiful time together. It was very nurturing and healing.
Since breaking my four-month celibacy spell, I have engaged with other men. Interestingly, all my interactions have come from a place of wholeness, and I have been attracting the type of men I could only dream of in the past.
Learning to self-source my own pleasure and love has opened a new door of opportunity for connections in my life. The people I engage with these days are exactly the type of people I want to spend time with.
There is no more clinging.
No more neediness.
No more crossing boundaries.
My intimate connections are profound and very conscious.
Since I have come home to myself, I am able to relate intimately with another without hang-ups, insecurities, jealousy, and other negative feelings.
If you have a history of attracting the wrong partner in your life, take a break and have a relationship “fast”. Learn to self-source. Come home to yourself.
Written by our contributor Bia Bliss, a Pleasure & Embodiment Coach and a student of life. Her work directly addresses sexual and emotional healing, self-empowerment and pleasure awakening. The learnings and breakthroughs Bia has experienced on her journey of healing and self-discovery has deeply inspired her to share her passion for sexual & emotional wholeness and embodied awakening with others. You can follow Bia Bliss on Facebook and Instagram. Become our contributor too! Apply here.
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